President Barack Obama, Letter on suffering. Peace-UP THOR 1/17/2015

 

            My name is John Arthur Ernst I am 42 years old and live in Eugene Oregon. I had been a full time student for the last four years until an injury from a MVA accident caused my spine to shift. I began several months ago seeking medical treatment for this trauma, and found myself having to make medical decisions and attempting to diagnose and find healing; for, no one seemed to want to spear head my treatment. I am a Chef not a Doctor.

            I was speaking with my father about my sigma the “red dot” on my head as I refer to it. The red dot stands for the lack of insurance and a primary care physician. I have been taken to the hospital by ambulance on four separate occasions. Each time I am released with instructions to contact a doctor. I have done so and found myself ostracized by the red dot on my head. I now sit in my home trying to find a way to pay medical bills, trying to find that group of healers, trying to get my life back as it slips through my fingers. Four months ago I could run like the wind (got an A in track and field), and my life was opening up for me. Now slowly the door shuts and I look at my hands as if they were the hands of another. The one insurance company, Alstate that should be paying my bills treats me as a annoyance even going so far as not paying my bills for several months and then sending a letter to my Doctors offices and physical therapists telling them that my PIP insurance has run out. That action results in all my treatment coming to a stand still. I don’t know what I did to deserve such prejudice; it seems to be ingrained into the American medical culture. If it were not for my father paying all my living expenses I would be homeless, crippled for sure, and not able to give back to the community that has invested in my future.

Long story short I am still waiting for this medical revolution of yours.

 

Thank you for your consideration.

 

P.s. My father thinks it’s delusional of me to think that my letters might reach you. I personally live by faith and hope. I enclosed an interesting story that happened on the East lawn many years ago.

 

Happy Easter, to you and your family.

 

Chef John Arthur Ernst

Before Peace-Health And Dr. Yoder June 2012

I went through a trauma in December and another one in January. The first was a tearing of something in my back the other a decompression of my compressed neck. I went to emergency room via ambulance 5 times. Each time I am released with directions to follow up with Doctors. Having a trauma and living alone is some chore. The muscles in my arms and legs rotated when my spin shifted due to the tear in my back. The muscles are attached to the skeleton via a tendon and ligament system. Then the muscles with a covering of a neural net which activates the muscle. Above that lay a fibrous net which attaches the fat layer and then skin to the muscle. In my case this fibrous net has been ruptured in both my arms and legs; it gets real itchy when it heals. Which it keeps having to do. Why? well I have these things that look like seizures, they are not in the definition of the word; for they are not brain activated. Because my spine shifted and then my neck decompressed after being compressed for years; it had the affect like yanking on a wiring harness in a motorcycle. All of the circuits are having a problem firing. The closer to the yank the worst the problem. so my arms with the tear in my back can rotate all the way down to my hands moving all the bones and muscles from my shoulder blades down to my hands. I spent months after my trauma visiting a Chiropracter Chris Olterlize until I realized he was hurting me instead of helping. He just wanted my insurance money, and no idea how to heal me or what was wrong. He surrounds himself with Pretty women and gives you chocolate when you leave so you feel better. All smoke and mirrors.

I guess I should start at the beginning. I got in an MVA in April 28th of last year which compressed my neck for a third time. I had been dealing with problems with my left shoulder for two years, and no diagnosis. I was taking a stability ball class during the summer with Shannon Gual as my instructor. She said she knew what my problem was, a winged scapula, and she gave me a list of PT and Chiropractors that she said would heal me. I choose Sean Roach at Tensigrifity therapy. He used an acupucturemeathode to reset the muscles on the left shoulder. This did not deal with the issue after a couple visits so he sent me to Bennisary Chiropratic under the care of Chris Olterlize. He began working on my body in September. I was working out in the weight room and had taken track and field. I began running with the team after a month of activity I was running 2-3 miles 4-5 times a week, attending practices, and could do 41 arm and leg switch back sit-ups and benched 1/2 my body weight 95 lbs. 29 times. I continued seeing Chris Olterlize who was trying anything, loosening my lower back and neck by manipulation, scraping my back to loosen scar tissue, and always ending with compressions. He would not feel right if he didn't finish with compressing me. I continued to work out hoping that my exersize regime would benefit my healing. Then a new symptoms raised their heads. I was with a young lady and during our activity which lasted most of the night, one of my ribs lifted. The other was I began having muscle spasms that included my entire left side. I went to Chris and asked him three questions. 1. Do you know what is wrong with me? 2. If you don't know what is wrong with me do you know how to find out? 3. If you know what is wrong with me what is your treatment plan? He could only answer part of three. I went to another Chiro Kevin Muzzane at Centenail Chiro in Springfield. He took some X-rays and then said he had no idea what was wrong with me, and believed that it might be nurological, he declined to give me treatment because it might injure me. He reffered me to Doctor Victor Lin who ordered a MRI of my brain looking for a bleed that could be causing my muscle convulsion/seizure like symptomms. He did not find one. This is about December and I am back to square one. I am running 4 miles every 4-5 days and still working in the weight room and running with the track team. December 18th; I try to push through my dysfuction by manipulating the muscles in my neck and jaw. Something bad happens. I have a wave roll thru my body via my spine. It goes all the way down thru my hips and upwards causing my arms to fly up into a position over my head. Then it got stuck with my arms over my head. I screamed and screamed as something in my back ripped until I could scream no more. The wave caused my shoulders to get stuck in a position that lay way up my back. I am terrified, and I have to find someone to heal me. I google shoulder muscles over lap neck muscles and find a sight for TMJ Temporo Madibular Joint dysfuction. I find a link to a Cranial Sacral therapy and call someone down in Sanfransico and she describes some of my symptoms. I call another Chiro Atlas Chiropractic and ask if they know how to deal with TMJ. The reply is yes. I walk across town feeling the fibrous tissue ripping down my legs as I continue to walk and just as I get there i am almost unable to walk. The Chiro had no idea what was wrong with me, and have to get back home driving my dysfunction deep into my feet. I find a Cranial Sacral therapist Marie Caverac who is able to patch me back together, yet the root cause of my illness has not been found. When you are crippled and terrified you will reach out to anyone for help. In my case I reached out to Chris Olterlize who was more than happy to see me. He ordered a MRI of my lower back (which has no problems) and continued working on me. I started finding a correlation with my getting worse every time I saw him, and Marie having to undo all the damage he did to me. I finally stopped seeing him. He was not happy about that and tried to get me back as a client. Marie has put me back together well enough to get back to Winter classes at Lane Community College. In my third week of class I am attempting to catch the bus yet an unable to walk fast. I get mad and push my dysfunction by flexing. I hear a loud snap at the base of my skull, my whole body stiffens with electric shock and everthing goes black. I come to in time to feel my head distantly hit the ground as my senses come back and my vision clears. My neck has decompressed, and pinched my spinal cord at the same time. I drop out of school. I go to Doctor Peaterson where Marie's Clinic is an have him order a MRI on my neck. I am going to stop for a second to say this, "I AM NOT A DOCTOR. I AM A CHEF" Within a few days the bunched up muscles in my back release in the only direction they can down my arms to my hands where it turns my wrist bones and hands. A nerve gets pinched in the back of my hand and I can't use my right hand. I begin having full body spasms/seizures in December when I push my body too far. I walked four blocks for that one. I am taken to the hospital in totall five times via Ambulance over the next five months. The doctor and nurse on the last visit yell at me and say it's all in my head, due to a psyhcotic break that i have due to my sickness. I storm out the best i can while having convulsions, and fall in the lobby. I pick myself up and the staff comes over to tell me that they can't let me leave. They go and check with the doctors in the back and return to say I am discharged. I walk another 100 feet and fall down to wait fro my convulsions to stop. Often my arms won't work sometimes while I'm awake and others in my sleep which wake me up. I walk around until I can move them. Its not pins and needles I just can't use them and feeling is real distant. The other new symptom is that my breathing stopped three time for about 30 seconds each time.The last seizure started at 11:30 at my house, and ended as I lay on the cement for forty five minuets at about 2:30. Security Guard Dennis at Sacred Heart River Bend stayed and talked to me until they stopped.

Dr. Victor Lin started spear heading my treatment until Allstate sent a letter to all my Doctors stating they would not pay the bills any longer. I have been waiting for Doctor Yoder to see me for the last month and awaiting Bridge Program to approve me for treatment. Mean while my dysfunction gets worse. I have been fighting off sseizures for the last three days and four hours today as I type. I'm living in a state of terror, waiting for someone to step forward and heal me. I pray. I pray. Is anybody out there? It's my birthday tomorrow May 22. I will be 43 years old.

Peace and Grace

Slocum center for orthopedics, June 2011

Slocum center for orthopedics,                                                       June 2011

 

I recently became a patient and wanted to express my gratitude the best way I know how with a gift of love and a letter. I had been having trouble receiving proper medical treatment and been verbally assaulted and told all my problems were in my head by a doctor in ER and another who was supposed to be my PCP who I waited for almost three months to see. I was terrified when I came to your clinic. I chose your clinic because I am covered by the Bridge Program at Peace Health. I entered the radiology lab and the lady who was there who I now considered my champion could tell I was scared. I told her a little of my story and she told me some of hers which rang true to my problems being that I have been having mental health problems since my injury. She said, “Even if you are having mental issues that doesn’t mean you’re not hurt; those men were jackxxxes.” which gave me a much needed laugh. I was brought up stairs and met with Dr. Macha’s assistant. She asked some questions and then Dr. Macha entered the room right away and says that he wants to order a MRI of my shoulder. He also feels that my other problems could be neurological, so he coordinates with another doctor and orders a MRI of my neck. Everybody left the room for a second and as I sat there I began to break down and cry. The assistant came back into the room and asked me, “Are you okay?”

I tried to explain the stress and fear that had gripped me over the last half year of my life while wiping the tears away. I finally managed to respond and said, “These are tears of joy.” She looked back at me and her eyes got a little misty as she said, “That’s why I do this job, for moments like this”.

From the bottom of my heart,

I thank you,

Chef John Arthur Ernst

Dad & Amy: a list of Docs by specialty, Peace Health Bridge =PHB, and chronologically.

I have an email date for this. It was written about August 2012 when my parents Jerome Ernst and little sister Amy Ernst flew from the east coast and mid west to help with getting help for me, speaking to doctors, and spending a few days with me catching up.

 

Dad & Amy: a list of Docs by specialty, Peace Health Bridge =PHB, and  chronologically.

 

Chiropractors-Homeopathic all private 541-636-3358

Chris Ostertlize Sep 2010-feb 2011 (I realized he was doing more damage than good.) He was happy to help under insurance. I saw him too long, and he was stabbing in the dark. MRI lower back found no problem.

 

Kevin Muzzana 541-726-6521 Nov 2010-May 2012 (Each time he has refused to do much work on me stating it was beyond his knowledge.) He has referred me to Dr. Lin 2X both times once before my trauma and just a month ago. Took 3 x-rays before my both traumas’ (on  Dec 21, 2010 spine hip shift and 1 month later neck then arms shift)

 

Marrie Caverack 541-342-8106“Cranial Sacrel Therapy” Nerve and energy manipulation.

The only person who could put me back together and relieve severe pain. I could barely walk in her office and walk out fine mush better. She could also fix my neck and re-align my shoulder blades. Setting my arms again. Amazing work. It was seeing her for two months with no full relief I ordered a MRI of my neck. (I was under Dr. Thomas but just for paperwork) Dec (late)2010- March 2011. I decided short after my MRI to revisit Dr. Lin. He began looking into my case and ordered several x-rays of my neck from several angles, but before I got to follow up with him the Alstate Insurance ran out. Alstate called all my medical billers. I had to cancel last two appointment’s with Marie Caverack bill of 1,400 outstanding. Most of my severe dysfunction and skeletal movement happened from Dec 2010 to Feb of 2011, as the dysfunction continued to run trough my body. When I stopped seeing Marie I slowly lost heavy ground with my dysfunction.

 

Primary Care Doctors PHB

Dr. Yoder April 2011 June 2001 I waited 3 months for him to tell me it was in my head. PHB Rude short. Had me do a push up on wall, touch toes, lift arms (bicept) and grab his finger. (sounds like a bad joke)

Dr. Workman Nov 2011 Feb 2012 waited another 3 months for her to tell me. I was having panic attacks. Condescending/placating. Mixed up on meds 3x. Refused nerve conduction study test even after told me she would, then receiving an order to from Dr. Lin Rehabilitative Medicine Country Club Road  ignored it.

Dr. Bigley 541-342-3338 current since February is doing what he feels is right. Still totally lost. Ordered eeg for epilepsy. Wants to send me to movement specialist. (Always in a hurry, but responds to reported concerns). Nice manner. Obviously concerned. 1^st doctor besides several Urgent Care doctors who said it wasn’t in my head.

 

Specialists

After Dr. Yoder I went to Dr. Macha at Slocum center . June 2011- Oct-2011 http://www.slocumcenter.com/physicians/thomas-j-macha-m-d

 All this free, by his word I bet. (It was the cookies and a letter. Business office cleared all bills)

Dr. Mach orthopedics specialist.

Saw me twice. Diagnosis something in my neck was causing symptoms.

His staff including Dr. Philips localized electronic nerve test forearms.

Dr. Pam rehabilitation specialist. She agreed with Dr. Macha

Personal aid and Doctor who researched Genetic diseases Hodgkins types of MS. She agreed with Dr, Macha. My neck.

Ordered several in house x- rays of shoulder. Shoulder fine no tears.

Ordered MRI 2^nd of my shoulder (All I asked him to do was my shoulder)

And MRI of my Neck the 2^nd one. He sends me to Dr. Lin ….. but I have to stay in PHB to I am sent to Dr. Haulk . Dr Macha says he wants to see me back in 6 weeks. I wait. In 6 weeks I go back and say. I never got called. A nurse called a supervisor at PH Dr. Haulk’s scheduler 5 weeks later. I see him. I wait in a waiting room for 2 hour talking to his assistant with a full history including docs and symptoms of dysfunction for ½ hr. He walks in for about five to ten minuets. He says my neck is better. But I had to be the one to bring up my 1^st MRI, and ask. He was quick with me,(I had to remind him of the 1^st MRI, he hit a few buttons and never shows me the screen) and with a glance he said I don’t need surgery, and neck was healing says he will order Electronic nerve study of my back to make sure. He refers me to Dr. Lin. I tell his staff and him I have to stay within PHB. I never get a call and call six weeks later after constant questioning, I find out because I had a local one on my arm the study had been canceled. I came into find out what to do, and I was out of medication. I was sent to Dr. Workmen.  

 

2^nd visit with Dr. Haulk  541-222-2880 May 2012 sent by Dr. Bigley. I have written letters to David Alison 541-222-7300 (Main hospital center receptionist) at “Risk Management” human resources, about care level I was receiving at this point. I mentioned the MRI’s. I wait 2 hrs again. He shows with his assistant and an intern. (We were hoping to have Diane Dulin make this visit with me. She couldn’t make it, I got stuck going alone again) He again says I don’t need surgery. He shows me the pictures like a small boy and curious George book. You see I have been at Dr. Lin’s office and had been educated on MRI’s like a man giving directions to another. Dr. Haulk acts like he wants to begin attempting to diagnose my dysfunction. States “Lets get a Nerve conduction study, and if problems keep persisting we will get another, MRI” He ends by saying he will send a note to Dr. Bigley’s office for me to be scheduled for Nerve conduction study. I find out from Doc. Bigley’s assistant that is not what he wrote in my chart. In fact it seems he felt that no further tests were needed.

 

Dr. Lin  Nuero and rehabilitative medicine 541-683-4247 (You paid for the first visit) (Insurance 2^nd and 3^rd but blocked 4^th follow up visit with Dr lin. 

Began seeing me in Nov 2010 for the left side spasms. Ordered MRI of Neck and Brain. Looking for bleed and reason I had major shift in neck causing a black out and electric shock. 2^nd trauma. Spent 1 full hour in his office trying all sorts of things, with movement, and put his hands on me more than any other doctor looking for answers. We had a conversation “White boarding ideas”and I was an equal part.

I returned for a follow up (2nd visit) Dec 2010 he showed me the MRI’s, how to read them, where I was having problems, and how much damage had been done (extensive wear) was the phrase he used. He told me what was a normal size for spinal core and showed me how mine was compressed, not to a point where surgery was needed but close if it got worse. He would want to go in and fix it. He wanted to keep a watch on my neck and condition progression.

3^rd visit March. He says he wants to do a full Nerve conduction study on my back, gather all information and decide where to go from there. I am happy when I tell Marie during one of our sessions that he is attempting to find out the why. Alstate refuses to pay for study and follow up with Dr. Lin.

 

Again all care stops and I begin waiting for PHB to send me to Dr. Yoder.

 

Dr. Whitely PHB psychiatrist 541-744-0828. Feb 2011- July 2011. I full filled my obligation to Dad to get a mental health assessment. (part of my condition of having a home and support).

I have dropped out of school, I am unable to walk well. He puts me on Seraquil an anti-psychotic. I ask him about Klonopin he refuses, said the effects are like alcohol, and he doesn’t want me near anything like that, or pain pills. “Addict” I told him when I met him. I have spasms that look like seizures. A few sessions later he tells me it’s all in my head. I never get a definitive answer for the diagnosis. As in stress, mental illness, epilepsy. My final session he says “Why don’t you tell people you are having spasms and stop calling them seizures”.  I end my sessions with him and I am mad when I do it. I make a point of saying I don’t need some one f*&^ing (I didn’t say it out loud but the loud beep I kept making while honking my point home expressed my outrage. Kind of funny doc’s popping out doors in the office wondering who is beeping loud.) with my head after going through a trauma and losing my ability to walk and mobility was enough stress.

 

Dr Unger psychologist 541- 513-1811 April 2011- April 2012

The one person who listened and helped in some fashion to deal with the change of life I was experiencing, and stress levels. Could not follow through with creating a plan and I out grew need for discussion. Tired of talking. Action and a plan is what I wanted.

 

Dr, TewLew Psychiatrist. Private “Oregon Psychiatric Partners” 541-726-9912

We start with Zantac like Klonopin but time released and more expensive. I am having spasms non-stop and been up for days. We also start with Trazadon for sleeping. Prozack for depression.  I have a good relationship with him. We drop meds that aren’t working. Flexeril ( I was taking 4 fleril and getting no relief from spasms 1 tablet of Klonopin lessened effect more) Prozack well the truth is I was unhappy, depressed because I was going through a major and scary change of life, while battling a debilitating dysfunction. The five stages come all at once working towards acceptance is the goal of dealing with all these emotions.

On my last visit we decided a companion animal would be way more effective than drugs, and help with my forced solitude. He wrote a prescription for a companion animal.

Her name is Freya she is a 10 lb Bob Cat kitten should grow to about 30-40 lbs a real terror. I have worked out a way to pay for litter and her food and little stuff. She was a infested kitten. I have tried to de-worm her with tobacco, she got fleas so I bath her gently (She’s still to young for flea shampoo) She has ear mites. I need to get her shots, pet store, and meds.

You were going to find out anyway. She follows me everywhere, makes me laugh, drives me nuts, sleeps with me. I’m not as lonely.

 

I could go into the several Urgent care visits, for several falls and localized paralysis. (Was treated well at Urgent care an attachment to PH) I could go into the 7 Ambulance rides, how I was kicked in the foot by a Paramedic and told to stop faking, or put on back boards which is a sure way of causing me spasms. I could relate the many times I refused Ambulances or medical attention while I was having a severe spasm in public (50+). I could relate being grabbed out of a bed by my jaws by a nurse and cursed at, and then while the security guard looked in a doctor came and screamed at me, “It’s all in our head, get a ride home and stop coming in here wasting our time.” I got up while having medium spasms, they had been going on for two hours with no breaks, attempted to storm out but could barely walk so storming turned into bumping into walls and falling down. I went and fell laying in front of the ER having spasms for 45 min. A security guard same from inside, Douge, nice man waited with me and procured a taxi voucher. We talked while waiting for my spasm to subside.

I could mention all the other who lent a small hand in my care or lack of, but the above about covers it.

p.s. 4 days 10 hrs to write.

 

Appointments with

Dr. Lin Aug 6^th 10:30 am cost 240$

Dr. Bigley Aug 6^th 3:15 pm PHB

Dr. Tewlew Aug 6^th 1:45 pm

 

I called:

Bob Smith my Attorney waiting for call back 541-345-7211

Dr. Whitely PHB ‘He may not want to accommodate an appointment is the impression I got. Waiting for a call back by his decision.

 

I could call Dr. Tara Workmen, and Dr. Yoder. They share the building with Whitely.

I am waiting to call Rick Montoya owner of Osteria Szfizo for dinner reservations.

Erin is holding both days free. 541-461-0891

 

Read with Amy prepare questions on clarification. I will explain what happened physically and mentally when you are here. I’m glad Sherlyn is coming. I can’t ever remember how to spell her name. my computer says 2 n’s I want to put an e in there somewhere. Dyslexic & a writer. I type so slow. TG for spell check.

Amy I wrote many emails over the years to dad about my condition and changes. A lot of info. Just a thought. I can be more succinct verbally with the hands nad feet moving.

And

Well Thank you,

Two years alone fighting this battle all alone.

Love John 

 

2nd Letter to Dr. Macha of Slocum Center Eugene Oregon

 

Dr. Macha,                                                                                          August 8, 2011

 

I firstly would like to thank you for seeing me and becoming interested in my case.

 

I had been having trouble finding treatment due to a stigma that has been placed on my record, that of mental illness. It is true that after my trauma I became disturbed and have been seeing Dr. Whiteley and Dr. Unger to deal with the psychological issues that became acute during the winter of this year. I have never been this injured and was having a difficult time understanding how it could have happened, and in such as it was I began having distressing thoughts. I began cognitive work with Dr. Unger and have made it to a place of stability. The trouble I had most of all was the note in my charts that make Doctors treat me with distain and created an unwillingness to listen to me dismissing my physical illness as mental illness. I made the appointment with the Slocum center after consulting the mentor of my youth Wayne Smith who I am proud to say works at Godard Space Center. He told me to make an appointment and to show up with no paper work to get a fresh look at my medical issue, and to dispel the stigma that was blocking my treatment. That is how I made my way to you.

 

I am not a Doctor, so my being the spearhead of my diagnosing my physical issues has not been very successful. I recently wrote the story “Mr. Seizure’ and sent it to my father and some of my friends and family who have been my sounding board during this period in my life. The first line reads, “Mr. Seizure and I met after my spine shifted and a muscle tore in my back offsetting the bones in my neck causing pressure on my spinal column.”, and after reading this line my father asked, “Did you say that to the doctor?”

I relied, “No. I tried to just focus on one area so as not to confuse the issue, so I told him my best guess, my left shoulder. That’s where I felt the tear on my left side and I haven’t been able to stabilize my shoulder blades for pushing or pulling.”

 

I trust you. In saying this it refers to the fact that I trust you to treat me with dignity, respect, and to tell me the truth. It also refers to your skill and knowledge allowing to your ability to diagnose and find treatment for my physical issue.

 

I was watching a preacher on television and he was speaking about miracles, and how those involved in such miracles had prepared for their part. I find the human body amazing in its ability to heal and to over come adversary from injury. In such, I walk for hours everyday often playing disc golf a cross town and jog everyday. I have been on a quit program for smoking tobacco, stopped caffeine use, and am on a strict diet. What I’m saying is; I’m doing my part to over come my debilitating injury. I am ready for God’s miracle, my faith makes me so.

 

Thank you, Chef John Ernst aka Thor

Ps. No cookies this time though I might get daring and make some bread for our next meeting, and rest assured that you will get an invitation to the opening of my restaurant the Thunder Café when I open it downtown on Charlton and Broadway a year or so from now.

Letter to Congressman Defazio

November 7, 2011

 

 

            Hello, my name is John Arthur Ernst. I live in Springfield Oregon. I am 43 years old. I would like to first tell you a little about my self. I grew up around the Washington D. C. area after being adopted by Jerome Ernst and Margaret Spoonhour. My childhood was full of blessings and turmoil. The blessings were from the wonderful family I was adopted into and the turmoil stemmed from my mixed racial background and rebellious spirit which landed me in a state institution for my formative years of high school graduating from the Regional Institute for Children and Adolescents.  I moved to Oregon following my children in the summer of 1995 after dropping out of Baltimore International College short of my degrees. I have had my fair share of obstacles to over come in the last fifteen years. I graduated the S.U.M.M.I.T. boot camp in 96’, the Drug Court Program in 07’ and the Christians, as Family Advocates program in 08’. I was a homeless addict living on the streets in 06’ and went back to school at Lane Community College earning a Associates in Applied Sciences degree in 10’.

            Last year I underwent two successive traumas that have changed my life, caused me to drop out of school, and robbed me of my physical health which has put serious tolls on my mental health. I have been attempting to find medical treatment to diagnose and treat my physical ailment for almost a year. I do not have medical insurance so this is hampered my diagnosis and recovery.  I am in therapy to address my life long mental illness which has been evident in my actions and thoughts which has caused me a fair amount of chagrin at times. I am a financial burden on my father who has been paying all my bills for the last 11 months. Yes, I am blessed to have someone in my life that is able to provide such a wonderful gift. It was my father who is often thinking of me who spoke to a young lady that had received her SSI by writing a letter to her congressmen. It is upon this suggestion that I am writing to you. I could use your help in expediting the process involved in attaining a SSI determination.

            My overall wish is to become a productive and active member of society that can use my unique story to inspire others, and find a place of peace of mind.

 

Thank you,

 

Chef John Arthur Ernst

Oprah Winfrey's Question "What do you want to grow?"

“A Good Seed”

A list of compassing and wisdom wrapped in a path of spiritual discovery, a way to a better life, a way from all my brothers and sisters to get out of the ghetto, out of addiction, out of going to prison a direct path that I have traveled first, and found great joy. I want the people to understand the concept of reconciliation, the ability of their two hands, and compassion of action able to change peoples’ lives mixed with the fortitude to make it happen. I want to tell people truths, of food and health, self discovery, defeating shame, then discovering elation, spiritual joy in any faith so deep, so raw, so visceral in words in song in action. I want them to see through “The Eye of Thor” for just a moment. 150 words can only give you a glimpse of the ability of a human to “Shine”.

I am an x-felon, an x-addict, an x-homeless man, who went back to college, earned a degree, and began a system of giving back, the first stepping stones of the path, then a trauma, my spine shifted, I could not walk, the athlete in side me fell, but my spirit raised me. I got back up, taught myself to walk, then to jog and then run a 13.2 mile marathon. I want people to grow in this way, never give up, in anyway and most of all find joy and compassion in the dark, to follow lights and to “Shine”, living each moment full and in completeness, with truth and love as a guiding force. I want to plant a good seed.

Chef John Ernst aka Thor

 Why....It is my gift. It is what I have to give in the long or short time I have left.