' For Rocky, a Champion is alive in all of us.'
We headed north on I270 and I watched the houses disappear
and then our exit Darnstown Road. The Red Mercedes pulled onto a side road and
then there was our destination. It was not like Mark Twain at all, no activity
in the Parking lot like a normal school. The parking lot in fact was very small
like a business not a large institution. I could see the dark red brick buildings
in the back, all around, a sort of field to the right as we pulled in and the
flat brick structure in front of me. I looked in the rear view; my feelings
were still at a major loss for I wanted to go back to normal school and even
did everything right at Mark Twain getting my schooling done, back on track
then Dad's bomb shell. The sun was coming and spring was lifting its voice in
the cool morning air sun shining soon to be warm.
I looked in the side mirror, corn fields, is the thought
that hit me, and where am I? I was still imploring, "Dad there nothing but
corn fields"
"Yep, so you got nowhere to go." he said in way of
making light of what was a very heavy decision in my life being put into an "institution"
but this was just supposed to be a school to help me. I was dubious full on.
The listing of what classes I was to take and my transition into a full time
short bus student had been approved until a bed opened. The red
line subway had not made it to the end of the line yet we were off the grid as
I felt.
We walked into the front door and Mr. Dinckleman an
Afro-American man began the intake. I was in shock still the smell of the place
was a cross between an empty middle school at night from the janitorial job I
had and a Hospital. My courses were out lined at right off there was a problem.
I went from honors classes, and A.P. Biology College courses to a school that
did not go any further in math stopping at algebra, I was in Trig, far past
that, sciences, no Chemistry, or anything above earth Science, a 9th grade
class. I had 2/ 1/2 years of English classes my earlier decision to be a better
student and hold back a year haunting me now in whispers, haunting, is a good
way of explaining the essence of the 'Rock' to me over the years but now it was
just another new school, but this time I was mad, determined again to show I could
main stream in public school. My first day the bus showed ant it was short, I
never thought, "I took the short bus to school." A year before I was
at a top Catholic High school which translated to honors in public school and
now..
The walls painted orange. brown gentle colors, the floor a
green or blue, carpet with a tan tile solid
in the halls. I entered home room class and looked around still wearing Lords
of London, or other fashion preppy clothing hiding the rebel at school for most
part and there was my home room class. I looked for Mr. Carter from the show because
here were the sweat hogs. I was thrown into to a world, of drama, a DIS form daily
Interaction Sheet which became more important in the "Idea' of changing
behavior then any focus on school. I was a bad student but this was ridicules
level of mental inactivity, yet it had to learn something else real quick. I
was dealing with a very unusual group of people. I was in a very foreign environment
again and began life at the "Rock".
New friends came slow at first. I say John and a girl Suki a
girl who just happened to sit in front of me.
It was a place with no real in crowd, or out crowd. Each person had their
battle and their face, and the want, to find something missing from their lives
many other non conformers, some just barely alive and others who wanted more
than anything t go home, and often the case it was gone, 'The Home' living in a
child's heart until they're are truly ready
for this world is they want to go home. Until then it was a new place and new
faces and everything was controlled, documented, life became therapy constant,
and adolescence is for exploring I felt not constriction and more control, and
a world I had never truly seen dysfunction ever every kind like I am a
therapist. I saw a bunch of real troubled kids and my empathy began becoming
something else, I began being someone else, not the dreams of the letter from Princeton
and Ivy league schools leading into G.W. law, no It took the biggest 180 degree
turn it could. I was at the "Rock" and it was prison for me; my
introduction into being in a world of confusion and uncertainty. The only true refuge was in the friends we
made and the experiences we began to have, beyond class, beyond learning, but
real life slap your shit right in my face was the emotional roller coaster of existence
for my introduction into the Rock. It happens once and you never forget it,
when it first happens, and you are there close, in screaming distance a restraint.
I just looked at the floor. I couldn't, I didn't want to, I don't think we ever
got over that. Restraint my ass I feel, it was violence control to the maximum.
I stared at the floor and then watched
around me, it was only a couple of day and class remarks on there goes, so and
so as they tackled him in the hallway because he would not stop jumping and
running in the halls, just jumping and running in the halls, what teens do, but
when you are told to stop they mean it. They saw it as curb that rebellion
change the person by confinement and control. Years later I look and say I can
go downtown for that, but it was a time later I went to a place where the program
worked, it did more than work it made men and women, but for now we were kids
on a Rock somewhere outside the 'Wall'.
THOR
No comments:
Post a Comment